A favorite television show of mine is A & E's "Intervention". Being a developmentalist, I am fascinated by the personal stories of addiction, denial and the unconditional love for addicts who are so mired in selfishness and destruction that no rational person would ever put up with, much less love, them. But show after show I am amazed see it. From the middle aged uncle who sleeps under a bridge and drinks all day while his saddened yet optimistic teenage niece stoops next to him to give him a hug and beg him to come home to the 22-year old college student who has a purse loaded with Vodka, Zanax and Percocet. They all have the love of family and friends in the end.
To me it is truly uplifting to see the love and dedication of family and friends in the face of what looks like total waste of space to an outsider. Most every show ends with the addict agreeing to be taken to a treatment center and a short summary of their progress follows usually indicating their success. I love to see that transformation! The kid who was panhandling a month ago is cleaned up, freshened up and has a new perspective on life.
So that is why I watch. Optimism wins. Dismay fades into the background.
However, there is another aspect of the show that gets me every time as well. It's the childhood piece that contemplates the parenting mistakes that may have been made and that might possibly have contributed to the problem itself. Now, I am not one to blame parents for every misstep of their grown children and I appreciate the variables that go into guiding our children into productive, confident and happy adults but it might be helpful to discuss the outcomes of certain practices that frequently lead to destructive outcomes.
One of those practices that comes up time and time again is the focus on one domain of development without much consideration for the other areas. The area we seem so concerned with is intelligence.
Jennifer was born with a gift. She was innately intelligent. She learned to memorize math facts at the age of four and her mother could, no doubt, offer a litany of additional skills she had mastered at a young age. Her mother was so impressed by her daughter's brilliance that she considered calling the Tonight Show to have her perform. What her mother may have neglected to consider was that Jennifer needed much more in the way of growth and developmental support. She needed her total development to be considered.
At age 17, Jennifer began heavily drinking and using drugs. She had a number of traumas resulting from the abuse: Blackouts, liver dysfunction, sexual promiscuity and a near-fatal car accident. But she was still recognized for her academic abilities. Jennifer got a scholarship to a university in the midst of all of this!
If my child receives these kinds of accolades for academic achievement I will be happy. No. That's not true. I will be thrilled! But we must broadly scan the whole picture of development. There is so much more to human development than book smarts. In my classes, I teach students of child development to look at the whole child. My students must regard childhood as an integrated whole that includes social and emotional development, physical, language and cognitive development. None of these areas work in isolation. For instance a socially and emotionally competent toddler will explore his/her environment more fully which will lead to strength in cognition. A child who experiences a rich linguistic environment will process language better and this will lead to concept development later on down the road when in elementary school he/she is asked to analyze a story. And finally a child who has plenty of time to climb trees, play chase and roughhouse will be able concentrate better when that is the task at hand.
What Jennifer missed out on was recognition of her whole self. I wondered: did she get to play pretend? Did she get to express herself through art media such as paint or clay? Was there an emotional connection between her primary caregivers and herself? My guess is that Jennifer learned that her inborn talent was her worth. Subconsciously, Jennifer may have longed for emotional support and guidance. Without such a foundation human beings falter. Maintaining the status of high achievement is far too much pressure for some and for others it is just a question of completeness. I think Jennifer was struggling with the latter. She likely won't encounter too many intellectual roadblocks but may always feel a void with regard to her emotional development. The place where good feelings about oneself reside will need to be nurtured and developed if she is to find recovery.
Donna King, M.A.
Donna holds a masters degree in Human Development from Pacific Oaks College in Pasadena, California. She has spent 15 years working with young children and their families in various Early Care and Education (ECE) settings.
In her current work as a Professor of Human Development at Irvine Valley College, she teaches pre-service teachers in the areas of Infant, Child and Adolescent development. Donna offers workshops for parents and families regarding a multitude of issues and topics.
[http://www.parentingrightnow.com]
Donna holds a masters degree in Human Development from Pacific Oaks College in Pasadena, California. She has spent 15 years working with young children and their families in various Early Care and Education (ECE) settings.
In her current work as a Professor of Human Development at Irvine Valley College, she teaches pre-service teachers in the areas of Infant, Child and Adolescent development. Donna offers workshops for parents and families regarding a multitude of issues and topics.
[http://www.parentingrightnow.com]
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